Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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