I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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