I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
