Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
