So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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