I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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