let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
