I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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