OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
