Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
