Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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