I'm jealous of your bromance
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
