At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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