who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
