The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
