weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
