Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
