i need an iv and a liver transplant
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
