What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
