I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she looked like the before picture.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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