So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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