fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
