apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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