I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
