i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
