Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
