youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
