Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
