I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
