You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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