theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
