having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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