Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How external is "for external use only"?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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