okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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