I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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