i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
