What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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