You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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