Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
