Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
