i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
