i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
