can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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