I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
