Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
