The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
