Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
