if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
