So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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