If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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