well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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