24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
