I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
