Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
