Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
