Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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