The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just pee around me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
