I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize