i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
