Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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