i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
