Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
