Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
