Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
