The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
