does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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