Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize