I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
