I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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