I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
