Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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