fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
