Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
