you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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