i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
