So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
