i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
