that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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