STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
